A lot has happened, Over a month later here we are...

My calendar feels like an endless whirlwind. May 4th came and went, that date would have been my grandmother's 90th birthday. 

I learned that week that the Supreme Court was considering overturning Roe VS Wade... This information was leaked and the country was shaken. 

I remember the day of the 4th of May painting pottery with a great friend of mine, at a precious business near town. I talked about the news I read the night before... 

Then I learned that a company I put my faith and trust in, had been deceitful to it's customers. That the irreplaceable keepsake sentiments I mailed to them, and money I paid, the company was considering filing bankruptcy and not telling it's customers.  Fears of not ever having keepsakes in memory of my deceased daughter, nor my money returned, weighed heavy on my heart. 

Now here we are about a month and a half later, and it's happened... The Supreme Court has overturned Roe VS Wade. Today was to be my phone call day. It was going to be last month too but then my mother fell ill and went to the hospital. I felt making sure my mother was OK and visiting when I could, more important than contacting fertility clinics... 

My mother has been in and out of the hospital since May 11th, finally discharged back at home, not rehab, yesterday on June 23rd. 

Life feels so upside down right now. 

It's like I can't breathe and time is frozen. 

I want to believe in happy beginnings with one last living rainbow child. Now I don't know if that will ever be. Getting harder to hold onto hope.