Today my heart is heavy. August 17th, 2022.

 Today my heart is more heavy. As my kiddo talks to his grief counselor, I sit here in the reality of this moment. Our child doesn’t like to be upset, it’s hard to be sad. He would rather tell jokes and change the subject. Truth is, death is a sad topic.

And as I hear our son recall what happened to his grandmother, I realize his memory is very clear. Taking tubes out of his grandma’s mouth so she could breathe on her own, and then she died…

I sit here in tears. Mom wanted to live to be 100 after her second time In the hospital, in May. And then we agreed, after that didn’t seem as possible, she would take it decade by decade, Mom would only live about two more months after that.

This week I went to the cemetery, my brother, a text away so we could send photos to each other and discuss what we wanted for a cemetery plot and stone memorial for Mom. Our cousin, (one of Mom’s first cousins), met me out there, it was a great comfort to me because I wasn’t there alone.

Grief is an ocean, it’s deep, dark, light, rough, calm, and all areas in between. I may look “put together” when you see me in person, I may look like I’m barely hanging on. I won’t hide my grief or apologize, and haven’t since the loss of our Noelle.

These last two years we’ve had at least one loss a year. This year I’ve had three, my great aunt, my cousin, who I have known my entire life, and my mother. Before that, my grandmother, and my daughter. Other losses in between however these greater ones stand out.

It may seem premature to start making plans now, like cemetery plots, a Living Will, Heathcare Directive, Power of Attorney, Beneficiary Deed, POD on your financial accounts and safe deposit box, etc, however I don’t feel it’s ever too soon. This will help soften some of the pain of loss if whomever is your personal representative or executor, they can accomplish what is needed after your death.

That’s my Ted Talk for today, thanks for joining me…